i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
