his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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