the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize