the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
