god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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