Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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