I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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