I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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