Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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