Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think my moral compass just broke
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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