I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
