At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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