He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
