dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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