I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
