This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
