She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
