So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
