Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
