i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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