She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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