i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
