Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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