She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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