i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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