you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
