even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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