he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
