Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize