They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
