my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize