ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
