I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize