what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
