We're like a lot better than the average bears
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize