It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
