Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
