So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize