The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
