Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
