Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i drank out of a bidet.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
