Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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