the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
