if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There r osticjed everywhere
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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