I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize