I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
