Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize