Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
