i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
