apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
