i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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