She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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