Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
