Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
