if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize