Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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