My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
