just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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