Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
