So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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