Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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