if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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