I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
