My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
