So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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