I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
