oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
