Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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