John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
