My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
