I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
