I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
